Hey guys [Whoever is reading this page]. Long time. I’ve had a lot going on in my life. So, without further ado, here’s some reviews [Look, I rhymed].
Note: Sorry for the lack of images. I’ll try to correct this in the near future.
Juan of the Dead- I’ve wanted to watch Cuba’s first reported horror film ever since I saw it’s effects work lavishly displayed in the 312nd issue of Fangoria, back in 2012. Well, almost 3 years later, I finally got around to it. I have to say I enjoyed it.
Alexis Diaz de Villegas plays Juan, a down and out man trying to reconnect with his inconspicuously attractive daughter, Andrea Duro, [Although the film does treat the relationship at times, not in a very… father/daughterly way… ahem], living day to day, trying to make money however he can. Suddenly an outbreak, which is never really explained, of zombism happens. Juan then decides, since he’s survived everything else Cuba has thrown at him, he decides to do what he does best, and profit off the new crisis by creating a new “killing” business: “Juan of the Dead; we kill your loved ones”. He convinces his bumbling friend Lazzaro [Jorge Molina] as well as expert slingshot/drag queen, La China [Jazz Vila] and his/her bulky black boyfriend, El Primo [Eliecer Ramirez], who’s large frame doesn’t stop him from fainting at the sight of blood. But will their killing business last?
As you might know, Juan of the Dead is very politically addressed. Not centered, not motivated. But addressed. It is Cuban, which means it obviously does have a communist air [That’s not me saying that as an American having an opinion, it is a statement, as it IS a social party the majority of Cuba DOES associate itself with], so there is a sort of patriotism and reverence as well as open jovial mockery of it’s own country, along with many references, that can actually be alienating to audiences coming in from an uncultured or less researched view and this gets to the point to where the film’s embracement of it’s country can almost border on nationalism. But it does work in that it brings to mind what the classic Romero dead films were; political in nature.
There is one thing that bothers me, in that it reminds me of too many zombie and apocalyptic films in this. Ever realize in movies lately that whenever a, say, zombie outbreak, or even animal outbreak happens, the city it happens in doesn’t just lose life, but the very structures and cities themselves fall apart. Why? I mean, it’s not like we’re talking about a natural disaster here. I’m serious. Look at any zombie film from the last 15 years and you’ll notice cars are turned over [Which that I can understand], but also bridges are destroyed, buildings are CRUMBLING AWAY! It’s not like I’m saying a zombie outbreak wouldn’t do some damage, but it would be much more on a social, living level. I mean, it’s not like these zombies can push buildings over. They wouldn’t be able to destroy the actual TOWN or structures. Look, guys, I just need some realism in my dead-people-coming-back-and-eating-everyone movie, alright?! I’m sorry, but I just had been thinking about that for a while, and this movie was the last straw.
The effects are hit or miss, but the filmmakers try to dodge around this by cutting away from the more elaborate moments which would have taken more of the film’s budget and probably would have looked worse if they hadn’t.
There are some hilarious ideas [It also has some greats lines] but there are also some ideas that would have actually been more interesting to explore. Sometimes it far outreaches itself, but for Cuba’s first horror film, I personally enjoyed it a lot. If you enjoy good zombies doing zombie killing and good characters doing character-zombie-killing, then this is decent.
Although I will say, the ending sort of made me mad. Seriously. What’s with that. The ending credits sort of take away any impact the ending had before then. It would be a cool animated credits sequence, but it actually tries to END the film, as in the story while the credits are going, through animation. So it feels a bit forced. I thought of my own theory where the credits sequence takes place inside our main characters head, but that doesn’t really fit with the film, and seeing as I can’t stand fan theories most of the time anyway, I;m sadly going to have to scratch that. Although, now that I think of it, if I ever saw anymore of the world Juan of the Dead is set in, or followed the same characters, I wouldn’t want it to be a straight out sequel. The animation during the end credits fit the film well, and I dare say… [sigh]… this could make a great comic series or graphic novel. I’m serious. Come on Cuba, if you can give us your first horror film, you can at least do a comic. Jump on it!
With Blanca Rosa Blonco, Susana Pous and Antonio Denchent in a great short-lived role as an english-speaking religiously chosen zombie killer, which spoofs the fact of the film having a subtitled version by having him not be able to communicate with the rest of the cast.
P.S So what we’ve learned is two tips for aspiring Cuban filmmakers [Actually, any filmmakers]. One, don’t act like your zombie film is the same as an earthquake film. STOP DESTROYING BUILDINGS! And two, don’t end your film during the credits sequence!!!
Stoned- 2005. Follows Rolling Stones’ [the band] founder Brian Jones fall due to his addiction as he brings his hired construction worker [Frank Thorogood], down with him.
Competent, with great acting from Leo Gregory as Brian, Paddy Considine as Frank, the lovely Amelia Warner, Tuva Novonty and Money Mazur but probably the best is David Morrisey as Tom Keylock, the Stones’ harsh bur caring chauffer. Ricked editing but fantastic cinematography and soundtrack [Although oddly enough nothing from Jones himself or the Stones is featured] and somehow gets us to sympathize with the worst people. But the ending ruins it.
With Lukede Woolfson, David Williams, David Walliams [Yes, two Davids with both almost the exact same name], Melanie Ramsay, Anna Madeley, Nathalie Cox and Roanna Ramsey.
Rating: I’d rate it a HARD R. There’s a lot of penis action and plenty more nudity from the lovely ladies, lots of drugs [Well, duh, it WAS the 60s’] and abuse [Both of substance and people].
48 Hours- 1982. You know, this is one of those films that’s remembered from Eddie Murphy’s “classic” period. In fact, wait! It’s his first film! The film that put him on the map. The film that made him a star. It’s also a fondly remembered mini-classic of the 80s’. And well… what can I say… I didn’t feel it. Yeah, I’d be in trouble with fans and fellow reviewers… if anyone ever actually visited this site. But since nobody does I’ll just do the review.
I’d tell you the plot, but, really… take away some of the details, it is your signature “buddy-cop” movie. I’m not joking. It literally has all the stuff. Nick Nolte as Jack Cates, a rough-edged cop who feels guilt over the shooting death of detectives, decides to take the case himself. Eddie Murphy as Reggie Hammond, the sassy black partner he gets leave on jail for 48 hours, whom he hates at first but he grows to accept. Frank McRae hamming it up as your typical shouting police captain who calls Nolte a loose canon and fires him off the case, which is just what he needs to solve the case [You know where this is going]. In fact, it’s considered the creator of the buddy/cop genre, but really it wasn’t. It DID renew interest in it for a while, though.
Although I will say that where this film exceeds is the relationship between Nolte and Murphy [Interestingly, Clint Eastwood and Richard Pryor were originally considered for the pairing, as well as Sylvester Stallone, Kris Kirstofferson and Jeff Bridges to play Cates]. While most black/white buddy cop pairing films mainly use the mix between races as a staple of the genre for no purpose then to further establish the film in it’s genre, ’48 Hours’ actually does a lot with their interaction. Nolte is shown to be a full on racist, and in a weird way, so is Murphy. No racial ephithets are withheld.
In fact, one of the better scenes is when the pair go into a bar that makes no holds-barred about it’s judgments, and we get to thoroughly see Murphy swiftly show his years of pent-up rage, anger, contempt and bitterness of being raised in the bronx and being treated like a second-class being as he takes the role of a cop, wearing the badge for the first time and completely quieting, disabling and showing-up the entire room.
Along with actually making the race angle important, it heightens all of the other cliches’ [Although in a less serious way], to the point of being comical. McRae’s rant towards the end needs to be seen to be believed. And James Remar is great as Ganz, the main villain. One of the greatest villains of the 80s’ if not for his sheer overacting.
Again, this isn’t to say 48 Hours is a bad film. It’s good for what it is. There is a great one-shot, three-minute take in a police station. It also has some fantastic lines in it. In fact, as always, I could just be the outsider who doesn’t like a film as much as everyone else on the planet. Also, I could just be the one who is typing to an empty field and no one is going to ever read this stuff except they find this site many years from now like a dusted old book written by a dead man! But oh well. Watch it, but I wouldn’t say think of it as a classic.
There’s a very repetitive song called “The Boys Are Back In Town” by The Busboys, the title of which also served as the film’s tagline.
Also starring Sonny Landham [as Billy Bear, who would also go on to be a separate character named Billy Bear in the 1996 film Billy Lone Bear, as WELL as Billy in the film Predator… sheesh], Margot Rose, Denise Crosby, Greta Blackburn, Annette O’Toole, Olivia Brown, Suzanne M. Regard and Jack Lightsy. Directed by Walter Hill, who would go on to film Eddie and Nick again in Another 48 Hours.
Interesting fact: The word f*** is used 48 times in total in the film.
Stealing Candy- 2003. Competent little erotic thriller. Daniel Baldwin, Coolio and Alex McArthur are good as three ex-cons who steal a trending star [Jenya Leno, a sight to behold… and she DOES nudity], who just so happens to star in erotic thrillers. But this isn’t any ordinary ransom. Cheesy, and a bit racist at times with how Coolio, the one black character, acts and gets the brunt of the brutality. But hey, Coolio DID decide to be in it. And the twist ending seems unfair, but hey, the script-reader did the job since it fits with everything that’s happened before then. Overall, a surprisingly fair exploitive romp.
Zombieland- 2009. Hilarious irreverent comedy, funniest when it’s not trying to be serious. Jesse Eisenberg is a coulophobic shut-in who is looking for his family after the zombie apocalypse [Started by Mad Cow Disease… rolls eyes] who meets up with a rough, tough-as-nails, zombie hunting loon [played by Woody Harrelson], looking for a twinky bar and spouting off more catchphrases this side of Duke Nukem, and falls for experienced Emma Stone [Who gives the two a run for her money with her sister, played by Abigail Breslin]. The editing and “rules” structure is nice with how to survive the zombie apocalypse. The only disappointing thing is how short it feels. Bill Murray is perfect as himself; Breslin: ” Any last regrets?” Murray: “…. Garfield, I guess.”
And whew… that was a lot. I’m sure I’ve seen more than that, but those are the ones I’ve reviewed properly, and I’m tired. Anyways, I’d say I hope to see you soon, but it seems like each time I say that I’m jixed, so let’s see where this goes…
tristonshallofmonsters 